1. Be Truly Glad to Meet People
We often say, “Nice to meet you,” when we’re introduced to somebody new. But do we really mean it? Learning how to be charming means learning to show people that you genuinely are excited to meet them.
You can achieve this in part by “mirroring” the other person. Smile when they smile, and laugh when they laugh. They’ll naturally feel like they’re important to you, even if you just met.
Preserve eye contact and give nods and other cues to show you’re listening to their conversation. Giving someone your full attention is a great way to win them over from the start.
2. Be Vulnerable
A unpredicted, but important, part of learning how to be attractive is being a little bit vulnerable with other people.
Stop feeling like you’re competing or like you need to one-up other people. Instead, show that you’re comfortable with yourself, even though you have vulnerabilities and insecurities. Keep in mind that social interactions aren’t competitions.
If someone else impresses you or wins your admiration, let them know. If you fail or show weakness when you don’t mean to, admit it. Ask questions about how someone achieved their success, instead of comparing yourself to them. You might just learn something in the process!
Your sincerity will go further than pretending like you have everything together all the time. People actually admire vulnerability in others – it shows strength and confidence.
3. Seek Agreement
Are you somebody that looks for contradictions and arguments, or someone that seeks out agreements with other people? It’s easy to see which one makes you more charming.
We often feel like we need to challenge and contradict anyone who thinks differently than we do. However, being contrary all the time certainly won’t draw anyone toward you.
It’s actually harder to look for agreement than disagreement in many situations. Instead of automatically zeroing in on the differences and letting an argument start, try looking for similarities, even in people with wildly different viewpoints.
This doesn’t mean you can never share a different perspective. It’s all about how you present it. People will be more willing to listen to you if you look for points of agreement first, then gently offer different points of view. Instead of being seen as argumentative, you’ll prove yourself to be a great conversationalist.
4. Use Touch to Your Advantage
Of course, touching other people isn’t always appropriate, and certain kinds of touch work best in certain situations. However, when you know how to use it well, touch can be a great way to be more charming to the people around you.
Touch can make you seem friendlier and more appealing. It can even help influence someone else’s behavior.
A little bit of touch goes a long way. To start, try using touch in situations where a touch is already being given. For example, if you shake someone’s hand, give them a gentle squeeze or pat on the arm or shoulder, too. Build up as you become more comfortable with touch – and as you realize what the other person’s comfort level is.
5. Admit Your Mistakes
The more you admit your mistakes, the more charming you’ll become. Admitting mistakes takes a lot of confidence, and it also provides other people with value: you’re helping them learn from what you did.
Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself or look silly when sharing about mistakes you’ve made. Stop focusing on looking your best all the time, and learn how to let go instead.
If you own your mistakes and mishaps, people can no longer laugh at you – because they’ll be laughing with you. This also helps the people around you become less guarded and more genuine when you’re around.
6. Let Others Be Open
Not everyone is great at opening up. When you learn how to be charming, though, you’ll also learn how to help others open up to you.
Ask people open-ended questions. Show that you really care about their opinions and experiences. Make them feel like they’re the most interesting person at that moment in time.
This means they’ll naturally gravitate to you again and again, because talking to you makes them feel amazing. When you allow others to be open with you, you also open up your friend circle.
Don’t forget to ask for the “why” and “how” of what you learn about a person. Don’t just ask about their job, ask them why they chose that field and how they got started. Ask the kinds of questions that get thoughtful answers – you’ll also learn a lot from these conversations.
7. Treat Everyone Well
It’s one thing to be charming to your friends, acquaintances, and coworkers. However, truly attractive people treat everyone the same way.
Are you charming to your server in a restaurant? How about the janitor at work? If not, then you haven’t really learned how to be charming.
8. Tap Into the Primal
Everyone is hardwired to have certain responses to conversations and situations. When you tap into that deep, primal wiring, you can get anyone to see you as charming. For more on how to use this knowledge, take a look at the His Secret Obsession technique.